Final Fantasy: TSW meets Final Fantasy 8
by STOPREADINGMYTERRIBLEFANFICS
Summary: Selphie + Chocobos = CHAOS! Watch the story unfold as Dr. Aki Ross looks for the "final" spirit! It's the clash between the texture mapped world and the photo-realistic world! WHO'S GOING DOWN? Read to find out!


NOTE:

_ I had this story up for a few months, but I had only gotten 1 review, and that was from my friend who I had to direct to get to this story. So I'm re-uploading it. I hope that some of you read this, I think you'll like it! And if you haven't read FF8 meets FF9 or FF8 meets FF7 yet, do so afterwards! You may like those too!_

_ANYWAY, One major thing, this story is not at all linear with the movie, so please don't complain too much about that! The point is to laugh and have a good time, and I hope you do!_

_ This doesn't follow along with the previous two humor fics I made, FF8 meets FF9 and FF8 meets FF7, so it's readable by all! Once again, more bashing. Selphie bashing is at an all time high, and there's some Rinoa and Aki bashing. I think I've formed this vision in my head that Selphie is just plain dumb all around. Anyone ever see Dexter's Laboratory? Well I've kind of molded Selphie based on the character DeeDee in that show. Oh, and I don't own Final Fantasy or any of the characters. FINALLY, enjoy!_

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within meets Final Fantasy VIII

Aki: "Every night, the same dream, the same strange planet, but why? What are they trying to tell me? It's been... a heck of a lot of years since they arrived on this planet. And not a day passes that the survivors, forced to live in various cities do not live in fear. I have vowed to end that fear."

Jane: "Who are you talking to?"

Aki: "...it was supposed to be dramatic..."

Jane: "Well it's a little overdramatic, you don't need to act like you are everyone's savior. You're just looking for more intelligent life forms on another planet. BIG FLIPPING DEAL."

Aki: "But... I want to save the world..."

Jane: "Forget your delusions of grandeur, we're just going on a simple mission, so CAN it sister."

Aki: "...save...world?"

::Jane walks out of the room::

Aki: ".................I believe my dreams hold the key. The question is, WILL I BE IN TIME TO SAVE THE EARTH?"

_::duh duh DUUUUH!::_

Jane: "She's doing it again captain.

Grey: "Just ignore her."

Aki: "Hee hee!"

Neil: "Approaching unidentifiable planet, should we land?"

Aki: "Yes, land! I must complete my master pla- uh, I mean my quest... for knowledge! Yes... knowledge indeed..." ::taps fingers together devilishly::

Grey: "....." ::turns to Neil:: "Just land this ship, the faster we land the faster we get off the less money Squaresoft loses for generating my face."

Ryan: "Why are we doing this anyway?"

Jane: "To make Miss Prissypants happy."

Aki: "gasp!" ::pulls out tape recorder:: "Note to self... Jane knows my real identity. She must be... DESTROYED!" ::puts tape recorder away and looks at Jane with a big grin::

Jane: "..................."

Grey: "It felt like we just landed, let's go check it out."

::Aki walks to the door and opens it::

Chocobo: ::runs by:: "WARK WARK!!!"

Aki: "SHIT!" ::jumps back:: ".......what WAS that? A... phantom?" ::pulls out life form radar and begins to walk around:: "Hmm... There must be something here..." ::radar shows no signs:: "sigh... I see no signs of intelligent life forms anywhere around here."

Selphie: "BOOYAKA!"

Aki: "That's funny... I'm sure I see an intelligent life form in front of me, but she doesn't show up on the radar..."

Selphie: "Do you like CHEEEEESE? I like CHEEEEESE! And Moombas!"

Aki: "I guess that explains why..."

Selphie: "Who are you? Why do you have those tiny holes on your face? How come your hair moves and mine is so stiff? WHY?"

Aki: ::pulls out tape recorder:: "I approach the beast with extreme caution as not to excite it..."

Selphie: "???"

Aki: "This... thing seems to have only 32 bits of color... a strange specimen indeed."

Selphie: "I'm strange!"

Aki: "I'm going to attempt to touch this odd... pixelated life form..." ::reaches hand out::

Selphie: ::notices radar watch on Aki:: "Ooooooooh..." ::grabs her arm:: "Heehee! Tetris! I love that game!"

Aki: "Tetris? How did you-"

Selphie: "EEheheheee! I'm winning!"

Aki: "I'll KILL you if you beat my high score!"

Selphie: "Tetris is BORING anyway!" ::throws her hand back::

Rinoa: "Seeeelphie! Oh Seeeelphie! Where could she be?"

Squall: "See, I told you you shouldn't have let her off her leash."

Rinoa: "But she said she'd be good this time..."

Squall: "When was the last time Selphie said she'd be good and ended up endangering all of our lives?"

Rinoa: "Oh... this is bad! What if she ran away?"

::In the distance::

Aki: "Let go of my hair you strange beast!"

Selphie: "Oooooh... so many strands!"

Rinoa: "Selphie!" ::runs to her and pulls her from Aki:: "No! Bad girl!"

Squall: "Good, you found her."

Aki: ::pulls out tape recorder:: "My eyes are being damaged from the lack of bits and anti-alias on these life forms... it's a horrible site indeed."

Squall: "Who's that?"

Rinoa: "I dunno..."  
Selphie: "It's my new friend, Strandy Hole Face!"

Squall: "Hello Strandy Hole Face."

Aki: "That's not my REAL name."

Squall: "Oh."

Aki: "My name is Aki. But you all may call me Dr. Aki Ross."

Selphie: "Doctor... A-Ak...ee? Akee Ro... That's silly Strandy Hole Face!"

Grey: "Is everything ok?"

Rinoa: :: *_* :: "!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Squall: "Woah... you guys are weird looking."

Rinoa: "Speak for yourself!" ::to Grey:: "So what's your name? Wanna get married?"

Squall: "W-what?"

Grey: "......."

Aki: "Excuse me?"

Squall: "I-I risked my life for you..."

Rinoa: "Shove it, Scar face!"

Squall: "...heart...wrenching... pain..."

Selphie: "I'm here for you, Squall!"

Squall: "............................................................................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" ::buries face in hands and sobs::

Rinoa: "So..." ::approaches Grey:: "You're looking awfully... real today..."

Grey: "You act as if you've known me before..."

Rinoa: "So let's do it, let's get hitched, Grey!"

Grey: "H-how do you know my name!?"

Rinoa: ".............."

Aki: You're not... buying this, are you Grey?"

Rinoa: ::looks at Aki:: "Ugh... don't tell me you two are..."

Aki: "As a matter of fact we are... exactly what species are you of?"

Rinoa: "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

Squall: "Please Rinoa, not again..."

Aki: "No, this is an insult, you deformed, texture mapped polygon!"

Selphie: "What's a polygon?"

Squall: "It's what lacks in your head."

Selphie: "Ah."

Rinoa: "T-texture mapped? You know the playstation only has so much processing power, you cutting edge multi million dollar freak!"

Aki: "Your behavior intrigues me... are you the eighth spirit?"

Rinoa: ::sniffle:: "W-what?"

Aki: "The readings are off the chart! It must be!"

Rinoa: "Squall, what's going on?"

Aki: "GIVE ME YOUR SOUL!"  
Rinoa: "Ack!"

Aki: ::Plunges toward Rinoa::

_On the ship..._

Selphie: "So you don't have any cute animals?"

Jane: "No."

Selphie: "Really?"  
Jane: "NO! Now would you shut up? I can't concentrate!"

Selphie: "No Moogles?"

Jane: "No Moogles."

Selphie: "No Chocobos?"

Jane: "No Chocobos."

Selphie: ".......no........ moombas?"

Jane: "Listen girl, you gotta leave, we seem to be on the wrong planet, so we gotta get out of here as fast as we can."

Selphie: ".........moombas?"

Jane: "sigh...."

Selphie: ::looks at Jane's hand:: "Ooooooooh... what's that on your wrist?"

Jane: "It's called a watch. It's used to tell time."

Selphie: "Oooooooh.... Time compression?"

Jane: "What is wrong with you? Was AI not invented when you were created?"

Selphie: "Heeheehee, A and I are letters of the alphamabet!"

Jane: "Neil get this primitive polygonal mass off of my back."

Neil: "Will do!" ::starts engine and tilts the ship sideway, Selphie falls out the open door::

Selphie: "Woah!"

Jane: "Thanks Neil, your a lifesaver."

Neil: "Anything for milady..."

Jane: "Not a chance in hell."

Rinoa: "I'm telling ya, lady! I have no 'eighth spirit!'"

Aki: "You're one of them... you're a phantom!"

Grey: "Hmm... maybe you should calm down Aki..."

Aki: "That's not what you said last night!"  
Rinoa: "GASP!"

Grey: "What's THAT supposed to mean!?"

Rinoa: ::walks over to Grey:: "You... you were unfaithful?"

Grey: "What!?"

Rinoa: "You lied... behind my back?"

Grey: "Listen, lady, I don't even know you're name, so why don't you just back off!"  
Rinoa: "But... we were engaged to be married!"

Squall: "WWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Quistis: ::appears from nowhere:: "What's wrong Squall?"

Squall: "sniff... I... I risked my life for Rinoa! I-I went to outer space... I fought Adel... sniff... I destroyed Ultimecia...all for Rinoa! We were meant for each other! Now... NOW SHE HATES ME!"

Quistis: _"Hmm... now's my chance!"_ "Well, that's the way life goes! Wanna go out on a date?"

Rinoa: "YOU LIAR! WE HAD A FUTURE! WE WERE GONNA HAVE CHILDREN!"

Aki: "Uh... I still need that spirit..."

Grey: "Aki, we have to get out of here! This world... freaks me out!"  
Rinoa: "LISTEN TO ME!"

Jane: "Captain! We're starting the engine! Get your things ready and board the ship asap!"

Grey: "It's been... uh... fun, but we really gotta go."

Rinoa: "......FINE! Squall, I love you!"  
Squall: "Shut up, bitch!"

Quistis: "Heh heh heh... eeeeexcellent..."

Selphie: "Doo doo doooo... sigh... no new animals... no moogles... oh well..."

Choco: "....wark?"

Selphie: ::turns to face chocobo:: "........eeeEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! CHOCO!" ::chases choco::

Choco: "WAAAAARK!!!!!!!" ::runs for dear dear life::

Selphie: "Heehee, come back here, CHOCO!"

Neil: "Engines running!"

Grey: "We'll be out of here in no time."

Aki: "But I need her spirit! I MUST PREVAIL!"

Jane: "For god sakes, give it up! I think that plant has been doing something to your brain."

Aki: ::pulls out tape recorder:: "It's now official... Jane knows too much. She must be DESTROYED!" ::puts tape recorder away and turns to Jane with a wide grin::

Jane: ".......wouldja quit it with that tape recorder? You're really starting to freak me out."

Neil: "Take off in 10... 9... 8..."

Rinoa: "Grey! Don't go! I have no future without you!"  
Squall: "You know you're just making our relationship worse..."

Quistis: "Ssshhh... she know's what she's doing."

Neil: "...7... 6... 5..."

Selphie: "Come back Choco!"

Choco: "Wark WAAAARK!"

Selphie: "We must sing and play and have tea together! HEEHEE! COME BACK CHOOOOCOOO!"

Choco: "WARK!"

Selphie: "No... Choco, don't run towards that giant ship!"

Neil: "... 4... 3... 2..."

Selphie: "Choco! Come back Choooooocoooooo!"

Choco: "Wark wark!" ::runs into engine of ship... POOF!... followed by an explosion of yellow feathers::

Selphie: "COOOOOCOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Neil: "...1... what the... countdown stopped?" ::looks at LCD screen:: "It reads... 'Chocobo stuck in engine?'"

Jane: "I swear. We get more animals caught in there..."

Grey: "sigh... Jane, get my wooden stick."

Aki: "Mwahaha... this gives me extra time to get that spirit..."

Grey: "And Aki, this doesn't give you extra time to get that spirit."

Aki: "Aww..."

Jane: ::hands stick to Grey:: "Be careful, captain."

Grey: "Thanks... Jane..." ::cue heroic music:: "I'm going in." ::walks off ship::

Aki: ::looks to her left and right, and sneakily tiptoes off the ship:: "Hee hee..."

Jane: "....does she not see us standing here staring at her?"

Ryan: "Just let her go."

Jane: "Woah... where'd you come from?"

Ryan: "..........."

Grey: "Ok... what do we have here...?"

Selphie: "CHOCO!! WAAAAH!"

Grey: "......."

Selphie: "I... knew him so well..."

Grey: "Well, it's natural to grieve after the loss of a loved one. In fact, when I was little..."

Selphie: "MOOMBA!"

Moomba: "??"

Selphie: "EEEEEEHEEEEHEEE!!!" ::chases Moomba::

Moomba: "EEEEEEEEEK!" ::runs away::

Grey: "........."

Aki: "I know you have that eighth spirit, now hand it over!"

Rinoa: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Aki: "Listen, are you a phantom or not?"  
Rinoa: "WHAT THE HELL IS A PHANTOM? I AM NO PHANTOM!"

Aki: "How can we be so sure..." ::pulls out powder bomb thingy used in the movie:: "Let's see your TRUE form! HA!" ::throws bomb to the ground... POOF! powder fills the air::

Rinoa: "Cough! Cough! What are you doing!?"

Aki: "Take that, evil phantom! AHAHAHA!"

Rinoa: "................................................."

Aki: ".................................................."

Rinoa: ".................................................."

Aki: "Was my spirit locator... wrong?"

Rinoa: "I'm too good for this kind of treatment! So long, bitch!"

Aki: "Must... have... spirit..."

Sid: ::runs to Aki:: "Aki! Great news! I located the eighth spirit!"

Aki: "Really?"

Sid: "Yes! It's in a piece of fried chicken over at a local restaurant! Come with me!" ::runs away::

Aki: "....fried chicken? Spirit-licious!"

Ebert: "And who said puns weren't funny? NOTE SARCASM! Thumbs down! WAY DOWN!"

Aki: "Shut up, fatty!" ::follows Sid::

Grey: "That's the last bit of Chocobo... Now, to prevent angry emails and reviews, I will call upon the phoenix to bring this bird back to life."

Phoenix: "EEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" ::sprinkles gold powder over Choco::

Choco: "Wark wark!" ::runs away::

Grey: "Now it's time to get OUT of here." ::walks onto ship::

Rinoa: "Squall, I'm sorry for everything I did. I guess his millions of colors... posessed me."

Squall: "Well I-"

Quistis: "He doesn't need you anymore. He prefers someone more stable, less drastic, and with a hot body and blonde hair!"  
Squall: "Uh, well-"

Rinoa: "What!? Is this TRUE Squall?"

Squall: "Um, actually-"

Quistis: "Yes! It's true! He doesn't need your sympathy! You used and abused him, right Squall?"  
Squall: "I-"

Rinoa: "Is that right Squall?"  
Squall: "I-................................."

Quistis: "................................."

Rinoa: ".................................."

Squall: ".....................I'm married to Selphie."

Rinoa + Quistis: "!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Squall: "Uh... yeah, that's right. Selphie and I are now a married couple."

Rinoa: "I... I feel so betrayed!" ::sobs and runs away::

Quistis: "How could you!? We had a DEAL!" ::runs away::

Squall: "..........anything to stop this madness."

Selphie: "Moomba! Moomba! Moomba!"  
Moomba: "EEEEEEEE!"

Selphie: ::stops:: "Where is everyone?"

Squall: "Hm? Oh, you just missed them."

Selphie: "Hmm... Do... do I see another CHOCO!? CHOOOCOO!!" ::runs away::

Squall: ".......what on earth am I gonna do now?"

Neil: "Okay, let's try this countdown again. 10, 9, 8, 7..."

Selphie: "Choco! Not the engine again!"

Neil: "Uh oh, here comes that chocobo again...6... 5... aw screw it! LIFT OFF!" ::ship takes off::

Jane: "It's about time... this has to be the freakiest planet ever."

Grey: "I'm just gonna be glad to go to a place with the same color settings as me."

Ryan: "And the same frame rate."

Jane: "And anti aliased!"  
Ryan: "You said it."

Grey: "It was hurting my eyes for a while..."

Jane: "Say, why did we come here in the first place?"

All: "...................................... AKI!"

_At a nearby diner..._

Laguna: "This fried chicken looks too good to be true!"

Ward: "......................"

Laguna: "What's he trying to say, Kiros?"

Kiros: "I think Ward is trying to say that he has a bad feeling about that fried chicken..."

Laguna: "Ahahaha! Ward, you crack me up sometimes!"

Ward: ".........................."

Kiros: "Laguna, maybe you should listen to him now, you know what happens when you don't listen to us..."

Laguna: "What exactly are you trying to say? That this chicken has some 'magical powers' or something?"  
Ward: "................."

Kiros: "Ward's saying that that piece of chicken is capable of saving an entire planet from extinction."

Laguna: "Ahahaha! That's rich!" ::opens mouth::

Ward: "!!!!!!!!"

Aki: "Hand that over." ::points gun at Laguna::

Laguna: ::freezes:: ".......ah....."

Aki: "That fried chicken has the eighth spirit. Take a bite and you deny my existence and the existence of an entire race."

Laguna: ".................."

Kiros: "Laguna, this is one of those times where you do as she says."

Laguna: ::scratches back of neck:: "Heheh, here you go..."  
Aki: ::snatches fried chicken and seals it in a glass container:: "Thank you. Let's go Sid." ::walks away::

Sid: "Aki, there may be another spirit over by the deli shop."

Aki: "sigh... ok let's get over there." ::walks away::

Laguna: "...............this is the last time I go to a diner. What would I do without you, Kiros?"

Kiros: "............."

Ward: "............."

Laguna: "Let's go to the deli shop! I hear they got great Choco meat! Come on! It's like an adventure! Hee hee!" ::runs away::

Kiros: "............."

Ward: "............."

Kiros: "God help us all. Come on Ward, let's go before Laguna wipes out an entire species of humans."

Ward: "......F*ck."

Kiros: "......Y-you can talk?"

Ward: "..........."

Kiros: "Let's go." ::walk away::

THE END


End file.
